Archive for the ‘Reviews’ Category

Movie Review: Crank High Voltage

Saturday, May 21st, 2011

One of the best things about Netflix is that I get to watch movies whenever I want. One of the worst things is that it doesn’t seem to have that good of a grasp on the types of movies I like.
Such an example is “Crank: High Voltage”. The successor to “Crank”, CHV (yeah, I’m lazy) might just be one of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen. The whole time, I kept thinking to myself “suspend disbelief”; every time I did, a new scene popped up where I had to do it again. About 3 minutes in, I thought I could have been watching a student film–a bad one.
The plot is that Chev (Jason Statham), some kind of bad-ass, has his heart stolen & replaced with an artificial by some Chinese gangsters. He wants to get it back. Throughout the movie, he has to “recharge” the battery pack in a variety of stupid…well, funny ways. He also kills a bunch of people.
There is a tremendous amount of gratuitous sex & violence in the movie (Chev has sex with his girlfriend in the middle of a derby, there are several shoot outs involving naked women), which, while funny, doesn’t add to it.
Most bad movies make me feel as if I should have been drinking during it. This one leaves me wishing I had one afterwards.

Movie Review: Hanna

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

It’s been movie-dud month for me. ¬†I Just got back from watching Hanna, staring some really pale blond chick and the guy from Terminator who I call Scott Baio. ¬†(Ok, it’s¬†Saoirse Ronan and Eric Bana, but I’m sure you can understand my confusion.) ¬†Spoiler alert!!!

The movie sucked. ¬†It wasn’t as bad as Sucker Punch, but damn it, it wasn’t THAT far off. ¬†The plot of the movie was this: Bana plays a guy (Erik, yes, same name, lamo) who’s taking care of Hanna, played by Ronan. ¬†He’s also training her to kill people. ¬†Hanna gets all pissy that she’s in the woods–oh yeah, Erik is hiding from…something. ¬†The CIA or something, we don’t really ever find out, or if we did, I wasn’t paying attention. ¬†So back to Hanna–she decides she’s ready to leave their little cabin. ¬†So Erik lets her activate some kind of homing device. ¬†He runs away, and the CIA/whatever swoops in and takes Hanna into custody. ¬†Hanna then wreaks havoc in the holding facility, escapes, and makes it her mission to…well…I *think* it was to kill Marissa, played by Cate Blanchett, but honestly, I don’t know if that was really spelled out.

I suppose there was a plot, but there was no POINT. ¬†I’d write more, but honestly, I don’t even want to intentionally remember more about the movie.

Movie Review: “Sucker Punch”

Tuesday, April 5th, 2011

Tonight, I saw “Sucker Punch“, a thriller movie starting a bunch of hot chicks. ¬†I don’t remember their names, but quite frankly, I don’t think I need to; after a movie like that, they probably won’t be in anything any time soon.

The movie opens on the death of a woman, Baby Doll’s (Emily Browning) mother. ¬†She has left her inheritance to her two daughters, leaving her husband (Baby Doll’s step father) out of the will. ¬†Aggravated, he attempts to kill/rape/who knows what to Baby Doll. ¬†When he fails, he turns to her younger sister, killing her instead. ¬†Baby Doll is blamed, and is sent to a mental institution.

At this point in the movie, I must have had a seizure, stroke, or suffered some kind of amnesia, as the mental institution is transformed into a brothel, and Baby Doll is now a dancer with a bunch of her co-whores. ¬†But when she dances, we’re treated to an awesome tour d’ force of her beating up a bunch of mythical creatures (co-whores included).

So as I understand it, Baby Doll has, as a coping mechanism, transformed the mental institution in her imagination. ¬†I still don’t know the plot. ¬†Enjoy the movie.

Oh–by the way–it sucked.

Movie Quality

Monday, April 6th, 2009

I saw the movie “Duplicity” last night. ¬†It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. ¬†Generally speaking, I enjoy movies starting Clive Owen, and Julia Roberts isn’t bad, either. ¬†But “Duplicity” made itself out to be a spy vs. spy movie that went wrong. ¬†I don’t mind endings that result in the protagonist(s) being let down (ie, a non-happy ending), but the movie jumped around a lot in the effort to tell its story. ¬†I don’t like that very much, and its confusing if you blink too fast. ¬†It also went a bit too slowly in other parts, which might just be a result of my fake ADD.

Reading Again

Sunday, March 1st, 2009

The Hardy Boys books were probably the foundation for my initial love for reading.  Yes, the stories were contrived and simple, but still, I had a lot of fun getting lost in those books.  Through the years, I graduated onto Crichton, Grisham, Koontz, Patterson, and a wide variety of other authors.  But when I got into high school and college, my time for casual and pleasure reading diminished precipitously.  Reading became a luxury I no longer had time for, nor the desire to go to the library or book store to get the books in the first place.

When Amazon released its first Kindle, I was convinced one would be in my future, though I couldn’t justify the price. ¬†The second one, which was just released, was a good upgrade to the first, but I still couldn’t spend the money. ¬†But my mother bought one for my father for his birthday. ¬†Ah, how fortunes turn. ¬†Dad, as much as he loves reading, doesn’t like electronics. ¬†The mere idea of reading from a tablet like device makes his eyes roll.

So I relieved him of it.

And have already read a couple books just this weekend–with more in store. Though I hope I don’t break my wallet doing it. ¬†Even though the books are cheaper, they’re not THAT much cheaper. ¬†But it’s definitely transparent–just like reading a real paper book. ¬†Sweet!

Television Show Formulas

Friday, February 27th, 2009

Most TV shows have formulas they follow.  It keeps the show consistent, and establishes a pattern for viewers.  Law and Order has a very effective formula that has been used since the inception of the show:

  1. Show people doing stuff.
  2. People or person finds dead body.
  3. Next scene shows cops at crime scene, checking things out.
  4. One cop makes witty/sarcastic on-liner, eg: “That fall had to hurt.”
  5. Cut to credits.

CSI Miami is no exception–except the actor doing the one-liners is David Caruso. ¬†I no longer watch CSI Miami as regularly as I used to, and here’s why:

Please make it stop!!!

Risk/Lux

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Lux ScreenshotVideo games are not my forte. ¬†My brother Alan, the accountant, is a video game whiz. ¬†No matter what the game, he’ll beat it. ¬†Me; well, with the exception of Super Paper Mario on the Wii and Super Mario on the Gameboy DS, I don’t think I’ve ever sat through a long video game.

Enter Risk. ¬†If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a strategy board game that lets ¬†you take over the world–or any map. ¬†I actually haven’t played Risk, but a company called SillySoft¬†makes a Risk game called Lux. ¬†Boy, is this game addictive. ¬†It takes between 5 minutes (if you’re playing a map with bad players) and hours to play. ¬†Because the online game is networkable, you can play with your friends over the internet. ¬†Very nifty.

Anyway, they make an iPhone version of the game, too, and it’s just as much fun (though a little more difficult to play).

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