Source Jockey

I’m not really sure what made me come up with the title.  It could have something to do with the fact that I ate an egg sandwich tonight for dinner.  Mmmm…  I want to expand on that.

I love eggs.  More specifically, I love omelets.  Especially ones with practically everything in them.  If I could have my dream omelette (which isn’t that hard, I guess), it’d have mushrooms, peppers, onions, avocado, bacon bits, chicken, a bunch of different cheeses, topped with fresh salsa.

My breakfast sandwich wasn’t quite an omelette.  See, I’d make an omelette for myself, except for two minor problems:  I don’t have the right kind of skillet for it, and even if I did, I have no idea how to make an omelette that doesn’t turn into scrambled eggs.  And if you don’t understand how an omelette can turn into scrambled eggs, then you don’t have a very good imagination, you should invest in weed or something stronger, like poppies, or their close cousin, heroin.  I digress.

So my special egg sandwich-making method isn’t very complicated, and the results are very consistent.

1. Get the bread of your choice and stick it in the toaster.
2. Turn on the toaster.  Come on, did I really have to mention that part?
3. Get a Tupperware container approximately the same size as the bread.
4. Spray (liberally, like you’re a Democrat) the inside of the container with Pam, or another non-stick spray.  You could spray conservatively, but it makes life radically more difficult eight years down the line.
5. Crack two or three eggs into the Tupperware container.  Add a pinch of salt, pepper to taste, and a bit of milk.  Whip the mixture until it’s homogenous.  Or Homo Genius. Like Doogie Houser, MD.
6. Put the mixture into the microwave, and nuke it for 3 minutes.  (Tested on a 4.21 gigawatt microwave; your results may vary based on your microwave’s flux capacitor.)
7. The toast should be done before the microwave.  Take it out, butter it, and put some turkey or ham or whatever meat you like (see end of #5).
8. When the microwave is done, put some cheese on top of the egg mixture (now nice and fluffy) and microwave it for 30 seconds.
9. Take it out, and put it on top of the bread & meat.
10. Eat.  Enjoy.

Now honestly, that wasn’t that difficult, but it’s almost as good as an omelette.  Oh–and make sure you don’t mix too many veggies in to the microwave sandwich–they get all watery and the egg doesn’t come out right.

I just got back from Vegas.  I feel absolutely destroyed…we “had” to stop at an outlet (thanks, mom), and then sat in horrendous traffic.  We left Vegas at 11:30am.  It’s 6:30pm.  Being stuck in the car with very little wiggle room was also rather uncomfortable.

But the gem of the drive was my lovely mother–who HAS to fill silence–with conversation.  Unfortunately, her version of a conversation is elsewhere considered an interrogation.  And does she know how to follow up questions.  I think the worst part of all is that she KNOWS we don’t like to be quizzed about everything, yet she does it anyway.

I’m too zapped to keep typing.  See you all tomorrow…

So after the wedding and reception (which were pretty good, actually), I hung out with one of my cousin’s friends while my mother and father went back to the room.

We stuck around the Mandalay Bay for almost the whole time, seeing their EXTREMELY overpriced 64th floor bar/grill (Sorry, $22 for an appetizer? $70 for a simple entreé?  Yeah, right.), briefly checked out a rather crumby burlesque show, and listening to a couple bands throughout the floor.

I think what took me by surprise the most were the mindless drones endlessly pumping their nickels in the slot machines.  Don’t they know??