Archive for February, 2009

Television Show Formulas

Friday, February 27th, 2009

Most TV shows have formulas they follow.  It keeps the show consistent, and establishes a pattern for viewers.  Law and Order has a very effective formula that has been used since the inception of the show:

  1. Show people doing stuff.
  2. People or person finds dead body.
  3. Next scene shows cops at crime scene, checking things out.
  4. One cop makes witty/sarcastic on-liner, eg: “That fall had to hurt.”
  5. Cut to credits.

CSI Miami is no exception–except the actor doing the one-liners is David Caruso. ¬†I no longer watch CSI Miami as regularly as I used to, and here’s why:

Please make it stop!!!

Green Eggs and Ham

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

I’m not really sure what made me come up with the title. ¬†It could have something to do with the fact that I ate an egg sandwich tonight for dinner. ¬†Mmmm… ¬†I want to expand on that.

I love eggs. ¬†More specifically, I love¬†omelets. ¬†Especially ones with practically everything in them. ¬†If I could have my dream omelette (which isn’t that hard, I guess), it’d have mushrooms, peppers, onions, avocado, bacon bits, chicken, a bunch of different cheeses, topped with fresh salsa.

My breakfast sandwich wasn’t quite an omelette. ¬†See, I’d make an omelette for myself, except for two minor problems: ¬†I don’t have the right kind of skillet for it, and even if I did, I have no idea how to make an omelette that doesn’t turn into scrambled eggs. ¬†And if you don’t understand how an omelette can turn into scrambled eggs, then you don’t have a very good imagination, you should invest in weed or something stronger, like poppies, or their close cousin, heroin. ¬†I digress.

So my special egg sandwich-making method isn’t very complicated, and the results are very consistent.

  1. Get the bread of your choice and stick it in the toaster.
  2. Turn on the toaster.  Come on, did I really have to mention that part?
  3. Get a Tupperware container approximately the same size as the bread.
  4. Spray (liberally, like you’re a Democrat) the inside of the container with Pam, or another non-stick spray. ¬†You could spray conservatively, but it makes life radically more difficult eight years down the line.
  5. Crack two or three eggs into the Tupperware container. ¬†Add a pinch of salt, pepper to taste, and a bit of milk. ¬†Whip the mixture until it’s homogenous. ¬†Or Homo Genius. Like Doogie Houser, MD.
  6. Put the mixture into the microwave, and nuke it for 3 minutes. ¬†(Tested on a 4.21 gigawatt microwave; your results may vary based on your microwave’s flux capacitor.)
  7. The toast should be done before the microwave.  Take it out, butter it, and put some turkey or ham or whatever meat you like (see end of #5).
  8. When the microwave is done, put some cheese on top of the egg mixture (now nice and fluffy) and microwave it for 30 seconds.
  9. Take it out, and put it on top of the bread & meat.
  10. Eat.  Enjoy.

Now honestly, that wasn’t that difficult, but it’s almost as good as an omelette. ¬†Oh–and make sure you don’t mix too many veggies in to the microwave sandwich–they get all watery and the egg doesn’t come out right.

Old Acquaintances

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

Someone from a long while back sent me an IM; though she didn’t actually remember who I was. ¬†After sending a photo and a brief bio, she remembered me–and we talked briefly about the last couple years of our lives. ¬†To be honest, I didn’t really care much about what she had to say, and I didn’t really care to tell her much, either.

I suppose that’s the trouble with meeting people from online–it’s tough to know who’s really going to last, and who’s going to be around for a fleeting moment.

I’ve been trying to cut down on the people I meet from online, and today highlights my reasons why. ¬†Unless there’s a true connection, there’s no way anyone from online only can ever be as true a friend as someone from in person. ¬†Kind of a tough realization, but I had to come to it.

Let’s Have a Conversation

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

I just got back from Vegas. ¬†I feel absolutely destroyed…we “had” to stop at an outlet (thanks, mom), and then sat in horrendous traffic. ¬†We left Vegas at 11:30am. ¬†It’s 6:30pm. ¬†Being stuck in the car with very little wiggle room was also rather uncomfortable.

But the gem of the drive was my lovely mother–who HAS to fill silence–with conversation. ¬†Unfortunately, her version of a conversation is elsewhere considered an interrogation. ¬†And does she know how to follow up questions. ¬†I think the worst part of all is that she KNOWS we don’t like to be quizzed about everything, yet she does it anyway.

I’m too zapped to keep typing. ¬†See you all tomorrow…

A Jaunt in Las Vegas

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

So after the wedding and reception (which were pretty good, actually), I hung out with one of my cousin’s friends while my mother and father went back to the room.

We stuck around the Mandalay Bay for almost the whole time, seeing their EXTREMELY overpriced 64th floor bar/grill (Sorry, $22 for an appetizer? $70 for a simple entreé?  Yeah, right.), briefly checked out a rather crumby burlesque show, and listening to a couple bands throughout the floor.

I think what took me by surprise the most were the mindless drones endlessly pumping their nickels in the slot machines. ¬†Don’t they know??

Las Vegas!

Saturday, February 21st, 2009

My cousin is getting married, so I’m in Las Vegas for today and tomorrow. ¬†The last time I was here was 2001 for the USC vs. Utah game. ¬†Despite the construction along the strip, we walked from Mandalay Bay up to the Bellagio.

I’ve never been to Vegas with friends–only with family. ¬†This is no exception. ¬†My father is sick with the flu, and my mother, being my mother, feeds off the¬†negativity of his illness. ¬†During the entire time from when we arrived at the hotel (1pm or so) until now (5:30pm), she couldn’t stop talking about anything and everything she could think of–from new hotels, smoking, tattoos, the M&M store, funny looking people…ugh.

Anyway–I can’t wait to come back here WITHOUT the family. ¬†I think the experience would be much better.

Relationship Advice and Analogies

Friday, February 20th, 2009

I am the king of analogies. ¬†I can make ANY situation into a brilliant analogy. ¬†Sure, sometimes they’re not that good, and sometimes they’re brilliant; for instance when comparing the course courting a woman to buying/leasing a car. ¬†(If you’re a woman, you probably think that’s an awful analogy. ¬†Bite me. ¬†It’s a perfect analogy.)

But today, I had a good one–and it was shot down (yeah, you know who you are!) while talking about a friend’s relationship with only person, with the exception of a brief interlude. ¬†I tried to explain that dating around is good. ¬†My analogy (edited), was this: ¬†Most people have a favorite food. ¬†Chances are that the reason it’s their favorite food is because the other food they’ve tried just wasn’t as good. ¬†But if you don’t have any food to compare it to, or the one you did was tainted by salmonella, obviously you’re going to go back to your favorite food.

I was cut off there–bad analogy, apparently… ¬†But I think it was actually quite fitting.

See, relationships really are a lot like eating, and the person you date is a lot like your favorite food. ¬†There are a lot of folks out there who LOVE pasta primavera–and have no plans on trying anything new. ¬†Why should they? ¬†They love the pasta primavera, and that’s that. ¬†These are the people who date one person, marry them, then die. ¬†And that’s fine–if they’re happy, I’m happy.

But the moment you introduce something new, you have a whole new¬†palate¬†to choose from. ¬†Say you’ve been eating pasta primavera since you were 17, and suddenly the pasta doesn’t agree with you, so you try the chicken piccata. ¬†If you like the dish, you’ll try it some more, maybe you’ll stick with it a while. ¬†If you don’t, you either go back to the primavera…or try the dumplings. ¬†Or something else.

The key here is, you don’t know what you like until you’ve tried it. ¬†My brother is a very picky eater–he hated Chicken¬†Parmesan–until he tried it. ¬†Suddenly, he realized the dearth of his palate, and began to expand his horizons. ¬†Well, with food, that is. ¬†When it comes to relationships, he’s on a hunger strike.

But that’s another issue altogether.

At present, I’m not in a relationship. ¬†I’m currently still looking at the menu while taking nibbles from the appetizer sampler. ¬†And that’s what you’ve got to do. ¬†Experience more. ¬†You’ll know what you like, and what you don’t. ¬†As far as I can tell, is how to find someone who you’re really compatible with. ¬†Just make sure you don’t order the whole menu at once–it’s expensive, complicated, and the waiters will hate you for being such a glutton.

Addicted to Television

Friday, February 20th, 2009

There’s a good chance I’m slightly addicted to television. ¬†I watch way too much of it. ¬†Some shows I consider my “must watch” shows, and others are more…elective.

MUST WATCH

  • NCIS
  • The Office
  • Law & Order
  • House
  • Hell’s Kitchen
  • Battlestar Gallactica
  • Chuck
  • Heroes
  • Family Guy
  • Lie to Me

ELECTIVE

  • Bones
  • ER
  • CSI: Miami
  • CSI: New York
  • Knight Rider

I can’t think of the others at the moment. ¬†I know there are more, but that’s pretty much the gist. ¬†I can’t believe I have enough time to watch ANY of them. ¬†What a waste of time!

Risk/Lux

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Lux ScreenshotVideo games are not my forte. ¬†My brother Alan, the accountant, is a video game whiz. ¬†No matter what the game, he’ll beat it. ¬†Me; well, with the exception of Super Paper Mario on the Wii and Super Mario on the Gameboy DS, I don’t think I’ve ever sat through a long video game.

Enter Risk. ¬†If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a strategy board game that lets ¬†you take over the world–or any map. ¬†I actually haven’t played Risk, but a company called SillySoft¬†makes a Risk game called Lux. ¬†Boy, is this game addictive. ¬†It takes between 5 minutes (if you’re playing a map with bad players) and hours to play. ¬†Because the online game is networkable, you can play with your friends over the internet. ¬†Very nifty.

Anyway, they make an iPhone version of the game, too, and it’s just as much fun (though a little more difficult to play).

Ironing Sucks

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

I had a client meeting today. ¬†It’s actually the first time at this job that I’ve gone to a client’s office and met them. ¬†Kind of exciting. ¬†What made the morning special, though, was that I had to actually dress up a bit. ¬†Where in my old job, I had to wear a suit every day, here, I can wear pretty much anything I want. ¬†Normally, I come in jeans and a t-shirt, during the summer, I plan to wear shorts. ¬†Maybe even flip flops.

But today, I had to wear a suit. ¬†Which wasn’t so bad, it turned out I had a clean one. ¬†The issue was actually the shirt. ¬†I have about fifteen dress shirts, three of which need to be retired, and the rest of which I have hanging in my closet. ¬†So I looked at all of the shirts–and every single one of them was wrinkled. ¬†Why is that a problem? ¬†I hate ironing. ¬†The ironing board is in the service porch, and while I was ironing the shirt, it dipped into the dog’s water dish. ¬†Then it picked up some of his hair. ¬†And then I had to actually iron the damn shirt.

Ok, so here’s my free idea to anyone who wants to make money off of great ideas: ¬†Make a mannequin designed to be an iron… ¬†All you do is put the shirt on over it, and it automatically irons the shirt. ¬†Yes, someone please invent that.

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